Quote of the Day 5: A Christmas Story

Flick: Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That’s dumb!

Schwartz: That’s ’cause you know it’ll stick!

Flick: You’re full of it!

Schwartz: Oh yeah?

Flick: Yeah!

Schwartz: Well I double-DOG-dare ya!

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] NOW it was serious. A double-dog-dare. What else was there but a “triple dare you”? And then, the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare.

Schwartz: I TRIPLE-dog-dare ya!

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Schwartz created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the triple dare and going right for the throat!

Quote of the Day 4: A Christmas Story

Mother: [gets on the phone] Hello, Mrs. Schwartz? Yes, I’m fine. Uh, Mrs. Schwartz, do you know what Ralph just said?

[Mrs. Schwartz’s speech is inaudible]

Mother: No, he said…

[whispers it close to the receiver]

Mrs. Schwartz: [in a hysterical tone] NO, NOT THAT!

Mother: Yes, that! Do you know where he heard it?

Mrs. Schwartz: Probably from his father.

Mother: No! He heard it from your son!

Mrs. Schwartz: [screams hysterically] WHAT! WHAT! WHAAAAAAT!

[footsteps are heard followed by screaming and spanking]

Schwartz: [crying] Ah, no! What did I do, Ma? What, I didn’t do nothing! AAAAUUUUGGGGHHH!

[Ralphie’s mom hangs up the phone]

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Another shot of mysterious, inexorable, official justice.

Quote of the Day 3: A Christmas Story

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] For one brief moment, I saw all the bolts silhouetted against the lights of the traffic, and then they were gone.

Ralphie: Oh ffffffffffuuuuuuuuudge!

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Only I didn’t say “Fudge.” I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the “F-dash-dash-dash” word!

Mr. Parker: [stunned] *What* did you say?

Ralphie: Uh, um…

Mr. Parker: That’s… what I thought you said. Get in the car. Go on!

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] It was all over – I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Hmmph. Mere child’s play compared to what surely awaited me.

Quote of the Day 1: A Christmas Story

Santa Claus: How about a nice football?

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Football? Football? What’s a football? With unconscious will my voice squeaked out ‘football’.

Santa Claus: Okay, get him out of here.

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] A football? Oh no, what was I doing? Wake up, Stupid! Wake up!

Ralphie: No! No! I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!

Santa Claus: You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.

Quote of the Day: Christmas Vacation

Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

R.I.P. Joe Cocker (May 20, 1944 – December 22, 2014)

Rock icon, Joe Cocker, died today at the age of 70 after a battle with lung cancer. He came into prominence in 1968 with his groundbreaking remake of the Beatles’ “With a Little Help from My Friends,” followed by his legendary performance of the song at Woodstock.

But, most of us younger folks (I love saying that) first heard of Joe Cocker from his classic duet with Jennifer Warnes – “Up Where We Belong.” The song was featured on the soundtrack for the movie, An Officer and a Gentleman. It became an international smash hit, and won a Grammy Award for Best Pop Performance by a Duo, as well as an Academy Award for Best Original Song.

Joe Cocker even came into our living rooms through our television sets in beginning in 1988, as his classic “With a Little Help from My Friends” was the theme song for The Wonder Years.

In a BBC article, Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr said it all:

Sir Paul said he would be “forever grateful” to Cocker for turning With A Little Help From My Friends into a “soul anthem”.

The former Beatle said: “I knew him through the years as a good mate and I was so sad to hear that he had been ill and really sad to hear today that he had passed away.

“He was a great guy, a lovely guy who brought so much to the world and we’ll all miss him.”

Other musicians to have paid tribute to Cocker include Beatles drummer Ringo Starr, who tweeted: “Goodbye and God bless to Joe Cocker.”

Remember That Song: 12/19/14

Hair’s to Friday!!!

Can you name the artist and song:

Don’t need to wait for an invitation
You gotta live like you’re on vacation

Last Song: “Could’ve Been” by Tiffany from the album Tiffany (1987)

The sweet words you whispered
didn’t mean a thing
I guess our song is over
as we begin to sing

Quote of the Day: E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial

Elliot: [seeing E.T. in a dress, with a wig and jewelry] Oh, God!

E.T.: Elliot.

Elliot: [still too frustrated to notice he just spoke to him] What?

E.T.: Elliot!… Elliot!

Gertie: I taught him how to talk now. He can talk now.

[Elliot sees electronics and supplies together in the closet]

Gertie: Look what he brought up here all by himself. What’s he need this stuff for?

Elliot: E.T., can you say that? Can you say ‘E.T.’? E.T.

E.T.: Eeee Teee.

Elliot: [Elliot laughs in amazement]

E.T.: E.T.! E.T.! E.T.! Be good.

Gertie: “Be good”! I taught him that too!

Elliot: You should give him his dignity. This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen.

E.T.: [gives Elliot a newspaper and points at a comic picture] Phone.

Elliot: ‘Phone’? He said ‘phone’? He said ‘phone’?

Gertie: Can’t you understand English? He said ‘phone’.

E.T.: [points to closet] Home?

Elliot: You’re right. That’s E.T.’s home.

E.T.: [scurries over to the window and points his long finger towards it] E.T. home phone.

Gertie: [clarifying] E.T. phone home.

Elliot: E.T. phone home.

[understanding what he means]

Elliot: E.T. phone home!

Gertie: He wants to call somebody.