Mother: [gets on the phone] Hello, Mrs. Schwartz? Yes, I’m fine. Uh, Mrs. Schwartz, do you know what Ralph just said?
[Mrs. Schwartz’s speech is inaudible]
Mother: No, he said…
[whispers it close to the receiver]
Mrs. Schwartz: [in a hysterical tone] NO, NOT THAT!
Mother: Yes, that! Do you know where he heard it?
Mrs. Schwartz: Probably from his father.
Mother: No! He heard it from your son!
Mrs. Schwartz: [screams hysterically] WHAT! WHAT! WHAAAAAAT!
[footsteps are heard followed by screaming and spanking]
Schwartz: [crying] Ah, no! What did I do, Ma? What, I didn’t do nothing! AAAAUUUUGGGGHHH!
[Ralphie’s mom hangs up the phone]
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Another shot of mysterious, inexorable, official justice.Follow @returntothe80s