Coach: What the hell are you?
Lucas: Excuse me?
Coach: Who suited you up?
Lucas: Well, I’d like to speak to you about that. This equipment just doesn’t fit.
Coach: No, that’s not the problem. It’s you that don’t fit. Now go turn it in.
Lucas: Excuse me. I can run really fast when I concentrate.
Coach: I said turn it in. Now, get off the field.
[yells to the other players]
Coach: All right, everybody inside for chalk talk! Shower up, first. Let’s go, go, go, go, go, go!
Lucas: You’re making a big mistake. I’ll be good at this. I can lower my center of gravity. See? Look.
[Lucas does a few little spins left and right]
Lucas: See? And my size, I gotta run fast. If they catch me, I’m dead.
Coach: Just, listen, little buddy. We got our first game this Saturday against Rockford and I don’t have time to dick around with you.
Lucas: Well, I’m afraid… you’ll have to, sir… dick around with me. The Supreme Court, by virtue of the sexual discrimination act says, that if anyone tries out for a team sport has to be given the same chance as everyone else. Now, if you wish to cut me based on my performance, that’s your right, but I’ll take you to court if you try it before.
Coach: What’s this shit?
Lucas: I looked it up. My family’s in law.
[Lucas walks off the field as Coach Boyd looks at him with his mouth open]
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