Happy 64th birthday to Steven Wright!!!
– I’m going to get a tattoo over my whole body of me but taller.
– I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?”
– What’s another word for Thesaurus?
– I got a garage door opener. It can’t close. Just open.
– I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
– When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.