[Bill Cosby has called Eddie to complain about bad language in Eddie’s act]
Eddie Murphy: Now I can’t have no ‘curse’ show, I mean I gotta throw in a few jokes in between the curses, I can’t come out and go “Hello! Filth flar’n filth, motherfucker, dick, pussy, snot, and shit. Good night! Suck my dick!”
Eddie Murphy: Raw was released in theaters on this day 32 years ago (December 18, 1987)
Eddie Murphy: There’s something about the icecream truck that makes kids lose it. And they can hear that shit from ten blocks away. They don’t hear their mothers calling but they hear that motherfucking icecream truck.
Eddie Murphy: Icecream man always drove extra blocks away. And I know he’s seen us and shit, but I think he just be in the car with his friends and say:
[imitating the ice cream man] Watch me how fast I make these motherfuckers run.
If you’d like to get this concert on Amazon, click on the poster below:
You want to help world hunger? Stop sending them food. Don’t send them another bite, send them U-Hauls. Send them a guy that says, “You know, we’ve been coming here giving you food for about 35 years now and we were driving through the desert, and we realized there wouldn’t BE world hunger if you people would live where the FOOD IS! YOU LIVE IN A DESERT!! UNDERSTAND THAT? YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT!! NOTHING GROWS HERE! NOTHING’S GONNA GROW HERE! Come here, you see this? This is sand. You know what it’s gonna be 100 years from now? IT’S GONNA BE SAND!! YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT! We have deserts in America, we just don’t LIVE in them, assholes!”
Question: What teen flick gave Anthony Michael Hall the line: “We have seventy dollars and a pair of girls’ underpants. We’re safe as kittens”?
Last Question: What deadpan comic quipped: “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it”?
Answer: Steven Wright
Steven Wright is a unique comedian. He tends to give one-liners – one right after another – that are unconnected. They are often hilarious.
Wright, grew up in Burlington, Massachusetts, and began performing stand-up comedy in 1979 at the Boston comedy club The Comedy Connection.
In 1982, an executive producer of The Tonight Show saw Steven Wright perform at a comedy club in Cambridge. The producer booked him. Wright impressed Johnny Carson so much that he was brought back less than a week later. Here is the performance:
Here is more classic Steven Wright:
Steven Wright still performs today, and has his own web site.
Question: What Yale Law School valedictorian, playing a teacher in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, easily ad-libbed his economics lecture in the film?
Last Question: What comedian penned the book America on Six Rubles a Day
Answer: Yakov Smirnoff
“What a Country!” Yakov Smirnoff was a comedian who came from the Soviet Union to the United States. In his routine, he often compared life in the Soviet Union to America, and misunderstanding American lfe and customs. For instance:
“The first time I went to a restaurant, they asked me ‘How many in your party?’ and I said ‘Six hundred million’.”
Upon being offered work as a barman on a “graveyard shift”, he remarks, ‘A bar in a cemetery! What a country! Last call? During Happy Hour the place must be dead.’
In America, you watch television. In Soviet Russia, television watch you!
In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law break you!