Category Archives: Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day: National Lampoon’s Vacation

Sorry, folks! We’re closed for two weeks to clean and repair America’s favorite family fun park. Sorry, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!

Sorry folks, park’s closed. Moose out front shoulda told ya.

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Quote of the Day 4: A Christmas Story

Mother: [gets on the phone] Hello, Mrs. Schwartz? Yes, I’m fine. Uh, Mrs. Schwartz, do you know what Ralph just said?

[Mrs. Schwartz’s speech is inaudible]

Mother: No, he said…

[whispers it close to the receiver]

Mrs. Schwartz: [in a hysterical tone] NO, NOT THAT!

Mother: Yes, that! Do you know where he heard it?

Mrs. Schwartz: Probably from his father.

Mother: No! He heard it from your son!

Mrs. Schwartz: [screams hysterically] WHAT! WHAT! WHAAAAAAT!

[footsteps are heard followed by screaming and spanking]

Schwartz: [crying] Ah, no! What did I do, Ma? What, I didn’t do nothing! AAAAUUUUGGGGHHH!

[Ralphie’s mom hangs up the phone]

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Another shot of mysterious, inexorable, official justice.

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Quote of the Day 3: A Christmas Story

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] For one brief moment, I saw all the bolts silhouetted against the lights of the traffic, and then they were gone.

Ralphie: Oh ffffffffffuuuuuuuuudge!

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Only I didn’t say “Fudge.” I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the “F-dash-dash-dash” word!

Mr. Parker: [stunned] *What* did you say?

Ralphie: Uh, um…

Mr. Parker: That’s… what I thought you said. Get in the car. Go on!

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] It was all over – I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Hmmph. Mere child’s play compared to what surely awaited me.

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