Clark: Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?
If you’d like to rent/buy/watch this movie from Amazon, click on the movie poster below:
Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.
Yesterday at work, we had our Christmas party. We had a Yankee Swap at the party, with a $15 limit. The gift I bought for the swap…You guessed it! A Rubik’s Cube!! Everybody has different rules. In this case the way the swap worked was after a person opened a gift, then the next person would grab another gift, and before they open it, decide whether they wanted to steal somebody else’s gift, or keep the one they have, then open it.
My supervisor got a Blu-Ray of The Muppet Christmas Carol. A few people later, somebody stole the movie, and gave him another gift, which was the Rubik’s Cube. He said that part of the interview process was going to include having a prospective employee try to solve the Cube. A few people later, somebody stole the Rubik’s Cube from him! I was so happy that there was interest in the Rubik’s Cube.
I actually had a really good number, and was next to last. As tempted as I was to take the Rubik’s Cube, I decided to keep the gift I picked, which looked like a gift card. It ended up being a $15 iTunes gift card. Score!! I’ll make sure I’ll use it towards ’80s related music!
Have any of you recently given or received a cool ’80s gift from somebody at work?
Here are some old Rubik’s Cube commercials that will bring back memories:
Question: What future Oscar-winner played roomate Maggie Lauten in the first season of A Different World?
Last Question: In National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, what is Eddie’s dog named?
He’s cute ain’t he? Only problem is, he’s got a little bit a Mississippi leg hound in ‘im. If the mood catches him right, he’ll grab your leg and just go to town. You don’t want him around if you’re wearing short pants, if you know what I mean. Word of warning though, if he does lay into ya, it’s best to just let ‘im finish.