Tag Archives: Michael Caine

Quotes of the Day: Michael Caine

In honor of Michael Caine’s 85th birthday today, my good from Gill from RealWeegieMidget Reviews has been hosting a Michael Caine blog-a-thon this week. Several bloggers have been participating this week. Please check out the posts from:

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

In addition to my contribution with my review of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Here is a selection of some of Michael Caine’s quotes from some of his ’80s movie characters.


Sidney Bruhl: I have a name and a reputation! Somewhat tattered, perhaps. But still good for dinner invitations and summer seminars.



Educating Rita

[Frank has just been officially reprimanded for being drunk while giving a lecture]

Dr. Frank Bryant: Sod them, eh, Rita! Sod them!

Rita: Will they sack you?

Dr. Frank Bryant: Good God no. That would involve making a decision. Pissed is all right. To get the sack, it would have to be rape on a grand scale. And not just with students, either. That would only amount to a slight misdemeanour. No, for dismissal it would have to be nothing less than buggering the Bursar.

[Rita discovers Frank packing all his books into crates]

Rita: Have they sacked you?

Dr. Frank Bryant: I made rather a night of it last night so they’re giving me a holiday. Two years in Australia.

Rita: Did you bugger the Bursar?

Dr. Frank Bryant: Metaphorically.

Blame it on Rio

Matthew: One time a company I worked for transferred me to an island in the Pacific. Fantastic place. I invited my girl to visit me. I sent her a postcard everyday with a single word on each card. I wrote “Found a virgin paradise. It’s yours. Matthew.” Narturally, they were delivered in the wrong order. The message she got was “Found a virgin. It’s paradise. Yours, Matthew.” Never heard from her again.

Hannah and Her Sisters

Elliot: God, she’s beautiful. She’s got the prettiest eyes. She looks so sexy in that sweater. I just want to be alone with her and hold her and kiss her and tell her how much I love her and take care of her. Stop it you idiot, she’s your wife’s sister. But I can’t help it. I’m consumed by her. It’s been months now. I dream about her, I – I – I think about her at the office. Oh Lee, what am I gonna do? I hear myself moaning over you and it’s disgusting. Before, when she squeezed past me at the doorway and I smelt that perfume on the back of her neck – Jesus, I – I thought I was gonna swoon. Easy! You’re a dignified financial advisor. It doesn’t look good for you to swoon.

Jaws: The Revenge

Hoagie Newcombe: Bloody Hell! The breath on that thing!




Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Lawrence Jamieson: Freddy, as a younger man, I was a sculptor, a painter, and a musician. There was just one problem: I wasn’t very good. As a matter of fact, I was dreadful. I finally came to the frustrating conclusion that I had taste and style, but not talent. I knew my limitations. We all have our limitations, Freddy. Fortunately, I discovered that taste and style were commodities that people desired. Freddy, what I am saying is: know your limitations. You are a moron.

Return to the ’80s Movies: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Dirty_rotten_scoundrels_film Starring

Steve Martin
Michael Caine
Glenne Headly

Rated PG

Runtime  110 minutes

Released  December 14, 1988


Synopsis: Two con men try to settle their rivalry by betting on who can swindle a young American heiress out of $50,000 first. – imdb

Last time I had seen this? Never

What I knew about this movie before watching it Very little. All I knew was that Steve Martin and Michael Caine were dirty, rotten scoundrels. And I remember the commercial where they were sitting at a dinner table, and Steve Martin (wearing an eye patch) said, “Excuse me. May I go to the bathroom first?” Michael Caine said “OK”. Then Steve Martin appeared to be relieving himself as he was sitting there, and then said, “Thank you.”

Review/Summary: Michael Caine plays Lawrence Jamieson, a suave con man living in the French Riviera. He seduces wealthy and morally suspect women, and steals money from them. Now he is concerned about a fellow con artist, known only as “The Jackal”, who is stepping on his territory by also stealing from wealthy victims.

Lawrence believes he has found the Jackal as he sees Steve Martin’s  Freddy Benson pulling a con. Lawrence decides to get rid of the competition by having Freddy arrested, and put on a plane to get him out of town for good. But, Freddy meets one of Lawrence’s marks, and figures out that Lawrence is a con artist as well. So, Freddy goes back, and forces Lawrence to take him on as a pupil in exchange for his silence.

Together, they run a string of cons, where Lawrence gets money from rich women, then brings in Freddy, posing as Lawrence’s mentally challenged, and socially inept brother, Ruprecht. This chases the women off, leaving Lawrence with the money.  Eventually Freddy had enough of being the subordinate in these scams, so he decided to go off on his own. But once again, Lawrence did not want the competition around.

So the two came up with a bet, where the loser would leave for good.  The challenge was that they would select a mark, and the first one to get $50,000 from them would be the winner. They select a naive American heiress named Janet Colgate (Glenne Headly).

Freddy poses as a psychosomatic crippled U.S. Army soldier (unable to walk after seeing his wife cheat on him with Dance U.S.A. host Deney Terrio) who needs to borrow $50,000 for treatment by an elite psychiatrist, Dr. Emil Shaffhausen. Lawrence discovers Freddy’s plan, so he pretends to be Dr. Emil Shaffhausen – the person who is supposed to receive the $50,000. Shenanigans ensue, with Lawrence and Freddy continuously sabotaging each other.


***Minor Spoiler Alert***

Lawrence finds out that Janet really is not wealthy, but is just a contest winner. She was going to liquidate all her savings and borrow money to pay the $50,000, out of the kindness of her heart. Lawrence is touched, and no longer wants to go through with the bet. Instead, Lawrence and Freddy decide to change the bet so that the winner is the first one to have sex with Janet. Shenanigans ensue again.

I’m not going to spoil anything, but there is a plot twist that is totally awesome, and that’s all I’m going to say about that.


Well, I’ve been finding good movies to review! This was another great one! Both Steve Martin and Michael Caine were incredible. And Glenne Headly was very likeable as Janet. The schemes were a lot of fun. And there was a ton of classic Steve Martin physical humor. The movie also moved pretty quickly.

Does the movie stand the test of time? Absolutely 100%. The humor is timeless, and was visually pleasing. There was nothing outdated in this movie. It could have been released in the ’70s, ’80s, ’90s, or even currently, and it would be equally good in any of these decades.

Worth the Return? Definitely! I might not go out of my way to watch it, but if I happen to see that it’s on, I would definitely check in and watch it.

Rating: 4 stacks of $50,000

How many of you have see this before? What are your thoughts? Do you have any favorite quotes?