Woman at Party: [coming up to Louis during party] Do you have any Excedrin or extra-strength Tylenol?

Louis: [opening cabinet] Gee, I think all I got is acetylsalicylic acid, generic. See, I can get six hundred tablets of that for the same price as three hundred of a name brand. That makes good financial sense, good advice…

[takes platter back into living room]

Louis: Hey, this is real smoked salmon from Nova Scotia, Canada, $24.95 a pound! It only cost me $14.12 after tax, though.

[walks up to a hapless guest, speaking confidentially]

Louis: I’m givin’ this whole thing as a promotional expense, that’s why I invited clients instead of friends. You havin’ a good time, Mark?

[heads across the room, greeting other guests]

Louis: How you doing? Why don’t you have some of the brie, it’s at room temperature!

[to the Tall Woman]

Louis: You think it’s too warm in here for the brie?

Tall Woman at Party: [standing] Louis, I’m going home.

Louis: Aw, don’t leave yet. Well, listen, maybe if we start dancing other people will join in!

Tall Woman at Party: [pauses] Okay!

[Louis and the Tall Woman begin disco dancing. Suddenly the doorbell rings]

Louis: Oh, don’t move, I just gotta get the door.

[opens door, greeting guests]

Louis: Ted! Annette! I’m glad you could come, how you doin’, give me your coats. Everybody, this is Ted and Annette Fleming! Ted has a small carpet cleaning business in receivership; Annette’s drawing a salary from a deferred bonus from two years ago! They got fifteen thousand left on the house at eight percent.

[throws the guests’ coats in the closet, oblivious that they hit the demon Vinz Clortho hiding there]

Louis: So they’re okay! So, does anybody wanna play Parcheesi?

[Vinz Clortho growls from inside the bedroom]

Louis: [grinning] Okay, who brought the dog?

Happy 65th birthday to Rick Moranis!!!

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