Tag Archives: Steven Wright

Quotes of the Day: Steven Wright

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Happy 64th birthday to Steven Wright!!!

– I’m going to get a tattoo over my whole body of me but taller.

– I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?”

– What’s another word for Thesaurus?

– I got a garage door opener. It can’t close. Just open.

– I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.

– When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.

Daily Trivia – 8/23/11

Question: What teen flick gave Anthony Michael Hall the line: “We have seventy dollars and a pair of girls’ underpants. We’re safe as kittens”?


Last Question: What deadpan comic quipped: “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it”?

Answer: Steven Wright

Steven Wright is a unique comedian. He tends to give one-liners – one right after another – that are unconnected. They are often hilarious.
Wright, grew up in Burlington, Massachusetts, and began performing stand-up comedy in 1979 at the Boston comedy club The Comedy Connection.

In 1982, an executive producer of The Tonight Show saw Steven Wright perform at a comedy club in Cambridge. The producer booked him. Wright impressed Johnny Carson so much that he was brought back less than a week later. Here is the performance:

Here is more classic Steven Wright:

Steven Wright still performs today, and has his own web site.

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